Anyhow, there won't be any nuptials, nor, it appears, is my purpose here going to become a reality. Feels like I've got nothing.
So, where am I now?
Physically: California! Have a job, making crap wages but learning to sushi, so that's cool. Here's a picture of the first roll I made for a customer.
At work, my boss(es) where jokingly(?) talking about having me run the restaurant when they open a new location in like a year. Not that long ago, they were jokingly talking about firing one of the servers, and he's gone now. Not getting my hopes up, but how cool would that be?
Feels like I spend all my time at work, sofa king glad I'm off today. Other than that, I live in a place, have internet and good food, so I guess all my physical needs except hugs and cuddles are taken care of. :,(
Mentally: I miss my brain, don't know where it went. My head is wildly gyrating between 'fuck everything' and 'I am the calm center of the universe.' Sometimes I cry while I'm watching porn... Is that weird? Whatever. Sometimes I cry during "Wreck it Ralph" and in some parts of "Monsters Inc" so I guess during other videos is no big thing, right?
Oh yeah, and somebody should tell Rynoman he was right, I will eventually but don't want to say it right now.
Subscribed to /r/mentalhealth on reddit; not sure what exactly that says about me, but it's something. :-/
Emotionally: Kinda... raw. If my emotions were skin, then mine's sunburned and stay the hell away unless you're bringing lotion and volunteering your hands, then we can work something out.
Oh yeah, and on the topic of physical (whatnot) state, here's the obligatory "I'm losing weight (or 'loosing' as Greg would say) torso shot." As you can see, when I stand upright and suck in a bit, I've got some pretty shapely flab. Cropped and censored for decency. :-P
Spiritually: Feels like I'm on the edge of either an enormous spiritual break-thru, or an enormous nervous break-down. My Zen is improving. Sometimes, I meditate--usually while playing minecraft. Kinda trying to do the Buddhist "right thought, right action" whatnot crap, not to be a Buddhist, just to rein in my head.
Other stuff: Working at job where you get tips is cool. I miss gaming, and more particularly those people with whom I used to game. I miss you guys generally... Guess that's it. Questions answered in the comments, please and thank you.
Closing thoughts: You are not alone, you are loved, you deserve to have an awesome day, you are missed.